Thursday, October 7, 2010

Two Months... And Then Some

"As imperceptibly as grief
The summer lapsed away,—"
 ~ Emily Dickinson

But only the summer lapsed.  The grief remains.

So we're at the point where counting weeks blurs into counting months.  I was thinking of posting on September 20, the day it was 2 months since he died, but I found that I just didn't feel like it.  So I didn't.  That was a hard day.  A hard week.

Since then I've either not had time to spend this way or just not felt like it each time I've tried to post.  Even though I'd still write at times.  I don't know how many drafts with snatches of thoughts I've saved or deleted.  One could argue convincingly that if I'd really wanted to post I would have made time somewhere along the way, so I guess it might just come down to that.  I don't know.

Right now I'm back in the mode where I want to say something but the words don't come out right, or they come with interruptions and seem not to fit when I get back to them.  Because it was easier, I've just posted what I was apparently thinking of posting on September 25th, and put it on that date. 

On the Mommy Earth, I can go back in time.

Even if in reality I had company on that day and am unsure when I would have been blogging?!  Yes, even then.  It seems that on the Mommy Earth I can do two things at once as well.  How very useful.


  1. Interesting to wonder if God can tell our loved ones things for us after they have passed. That is comforting, even if we don't know for sure if it occurs or not. I'd never thought of it that way; I just knew they couldn't tell us things.

    I'm still thinking of your family, praying for your comfort, and not totally accepting that he is gone, even so long after the fact. I wonder if it will always seem surreal. I'm sure not always; when we get to heaven surely all things will be beautifully resolved, but for now, the fact is still jarring. May God continue to guide your mind and heart through this.

    Love to your family as always, Wendy

  2. I think/wonder about a lot of things I never did before.

    Yeah, I imagine we'll understand it better "by and by," but while we're on earth I won't be surprised if it always seems surreal.

    Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, and love to you and yours as well.